douchetastic driver

So this guy in front of me kept texting on his iPhone in some serious traffic this morning. I'm sure I broke some sort of traffic manlaw by getting a cell snapshot but I couldn't help sharing.


1. A Prius. Hurray, we're saving the planet and you're not! Hybrids! Carbon footprints! Tax credits! Green stuff! That might as well have been a Massengill box with four tires in front of me. I automatically dislike Prius owners. Except for Nancy from Weeds because she took a piss in a Starbucks cup coming back from Mexico in hers. That's hot.

2. Look at that license plate. "-CO2 4U". I wonder how many cocktail napkins this fuckstick doodled on before coming up with that one. Thank you for saving me from carbon dioxide. Of course, that eight cylinder beast I was driving behind you probably canceled out whatever emissions your cute little environmentally friendly trendy-as-fuck overpriced cruising vessel puts out.

3. USC alum. In Fort Worth, Texas.  Matt Leinart probably drives a Prius. Go jerk off to Will Ferrell, you sanctimonious prick.

4. That sticker on the right isn't a vote Obama decal - it's a OMGOMG Obama Won!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!1!11!!!!! decal. That is just as retarded as the "W - still the president" stickers. What, are you gloating? No wonder politics is a contact sport in this country.

adventures at Wal-Mart

On my way home I stopped at Wally World to pick up some stuff for dinner tonight. When I get to the express lane, the two checkers working are talking about their hair and ragging on some other coworker that's stocking a beverage cooler next to them. I don't really give a shit what they are discussing, but I do notice that my clerk didn't scan a couple of my items. Of course, I say nothing, since it's her job to make sure I paid for what I brought to the counter, not mine.

So I walk towards the door, get waved through by the old lady, and then she jumps in front of the cart of this Hispanic couple with a crying baby and demands to see their receipt. There's a language barrier (again, not my problem), they start yelling at each other, and the baby is still screaming. Right then some guy comes running by out the door carrying a hand basket full of stuff in one hand and an 18 pack of Bud Light in the other, jumps into the passenger seat of a waiting green beaten up Buick idling by the entryway, and hauls ass away.

This wasn't as funny as the time the WW2 veteran got pissed at the greeter over the lack of available mobility carts ("You mean to tell me that fat people can't walk to where the food is?"), but not bad. Certainly a WTF moment.